Amatuer Internet Dater – Part 4.

As most of you will know, I’m in the throes of finalising my very first internet dating profile, in the grand hope of stumbling upon my true love (Gavin).

It’s been a rather long winded and eye-opening experience thus far. I’ve paid the budget allowed $3.95 3 Month Subscription; was honest with my age and patootie size; I even attempted to complete the ghastly, over-the-top questionnaire of 500 ridiculously unimportant multi choices about burger, bed and (probably, but I didn’t get that far) banana preferences! However, after all that hard work, it would appear that I’m still not quite ready to be acquainted with any potential Gav’s.

You see, the lovely providers of my chosen “matching service”, have ever so politely advised that I have missed a highly vital component of my profile…


Crazily, and I’m sure I’m not alone, I’ve been so caught up in the “idea” of Gavin that I’ve failed to really truly think about who I would want him to be. What would make me fall head over heels in love, and inevitably choose to continue love him for the rest of my life…?

Obviously a heartbeat and physical presence is a very grand start – I mean sure, what girl doesn’t want Channing Tatum’s body draping itself across her bed whilst discussing handsomely, in a “Capt. Jack Sparrow” accent, whether or not we should attend Beyonce and Jay’s housewarming on the weekend – but if I’m really truly serious in my quest for love, which I honestly am, then the “idea” just isn’t going to cut it anymore.

I needed to sit down and collect my thoughts, and be absolutely wholeheartedly honest about who I was searching for…

Luckily, the less than glamorous, “dress rehearsals” have certainly left me with inexplicable clarity as to who I don’t want him to be (narcissistic bogan), and my own personal journey since has left me with a greater appreciation for my unique self, financial stability, domestic abilities (thongs and hairspray are a woman’s greatest weapon in the war against an eight-legged beast) and overall confidence in my ability to survive life in the single lane.

But what I failed to think about was how would he make me feel? How would his words affect my soul? Would I, yet weak at the knees, find a greater sense of strength in his presence? Would I so easily be able let my guard down? Would I be able to give my whole true self to him, without fear, anxiety or withdrawal? So very many questions swirled around and it became quite overwhelming, but I had to figure it out if I was wanting to get any closer to finding him, even if it were only one small step forward. And so, I sat down, and asked myself…

Who the hell is Gavin?

1. He’s honest. Sure he has is secrets pertaining to how many packets of Salt & Vinnie’s he smashed on the drive home from work, and certainly when it comes to the “bro code” he keeps Davo’s late night “antics” to himself – but when his feelings, actions and thoughts are under question – he’s honest.

2. He’s respectful, compassionate and sympathetic – not only towards others, but also himself. He’ll listen to what other’s have to say and instead of responding with turd-faced arrogence he’ll make a genuine effort to understand their point of view.

He wont be afraid of age, race, religious or political differences, and certainly wouldn’t dimiss anyone until he knew them personally.

3. He has a Sense of Fun & Incredible Humour. He’ll laugh at himself and find humour in his own misfortunes, be it losing a bet or accidentally denting the bosses new ute. He understands what truly matters in life and how to take certain situations with a grain of salt.

He’ll concur with me that laughter is the best medicine, and will appreciate my terrible jokes, wobbly-bummed nudie runs and find the snorts that come when I laugh too hard incredibly adorable 🙂

4) He’s Physically & Mentally Strong – however, big muscles in saggy singlets need not apply (sorry, but exposed hairy armpits are just not my thing). He’s capable of mowing the lawn, changing a tire and driving a manual car. His hands are happily dirty and by far his greatest tool. He’s determined to solve a problem – plotting, planning and observing all angles until he finds a way.

5) Above all he’s supportive, loving and kind. He’ll encourage me to grow, succeed and try; and when I am at my lowest point in life or just having a bad day, I will know that I can look into his eyes and find strength & hope, and know that I’m not alone.

Gavin will appreciate my flaws, failures and faults; my crazy mind, my ridiculous ideas, my car park rage, my off key harmony. My days when I am moody, bloated and erratic, and those when I am sensitive, dreamy and hopeful… And that is what he will love…Me, all of me – just as I am.  And in return, I will love him for that very same reason.

Does he exist? …Who knows… But, I’m maintaining much faith that he does!

Liss Actually x

Liebster Award.


Well here’s some exciting news… and no, I haven’t found Gavin!.. yet!

I’m absolutely beside myself that I have been nominated for a Liebster Award, by the oh so very kind Curlography. And, I am truly warmed at the continued support and encouragement from my fellow bloggers – you guys rock!

An especially big thank you goes to those who have taken the time to stop by Liss Actually x   your gifts are in the mail!

Official Rules for accepting the Liebster Award are: 

  1. Put the Liebster Award logo on your blog
  2. Answer the questions given and then come up with 10 new ones to ask your nominations.
  3. Nominate 8 other blogs, let them know you have nominated them and put a link to their blog in your post.
  4. No tag-backs.
  5. You must tell all the blogs that you have nominated them.

The 10 Questions (and of course, my answers) I have been asked are:

1) A book that changed your perspective on a topic..

Portia De Rossi’s “Unbearable Lightness” truly lifted my own feelings of isolation and helplessness whilst dealing with my own battle with bulimia.

2) If you could have anyone alive or dead as a dinner guest, who would it be and why…

My ancestors… So I meet those whose lives triggered my own existence.

3) What are you passionate about?

Words, love, kindness… Oh, and double dipped Cherry Ripes

4) What would your dream job look like?

Travelling around the world signing the covers of my best selling novel..

5) What are your pet peeves?

Refrigerated chocolate, cyclists without helmets, tomato sauce on hot chips..

6) What is one thing in your home you couldn’t live without?

My two beautiful daughters..

7) What senses triggers memories, sight, sound, smell, touch or taste?

Undoubtedly sound… I find comfort and solace in music no matter what emotional state I am in, and find that I will be taken back to that place as soon as I hear familiar tunes…

8) What would you like to be remembered for?

My unwavering and fierce love for those who mattered most. 

9) What is your all time favourite song to dance to?

B52’s Loveshack

10) Which do your prefer, sweets or savoury?

How about lightly salted, slightly sweet…

My talented nominees are:


Finding My Inner Zen

World and Time Enough


The Joy of Cooking (for Little Assholes)


The Main Focus

 My Kind of Pop Culture

And your questions, should you choose to accept them:

  1. What is your greatest ambition in life?
  2. What is your most guilty pleasure?
  3. Superpower of choice – Invisibility or Flight?
  4. Who would play you in the movie of your life?
  5. If you could go back in time and change one thing what would it be?
  6. Your favourite time of day, and why?
  7. If you had 24hrs, and there were no implications on your actions, what would you do?
  8. What inspires you most?
  9. If you could ask your future self three questions, what would they be?
  10. What would you like to be remembered for most?

I wish you all the very best, good luck!

Liss Actually x

Amateur Internet Dater – Part 3.

So, I treated myself to a well deserved break, and a mandatory KitKat (of the chunky variety), after the marathon effort that was phase one of the beast that is my cyber dating profile… And I must admit, upon reflection and recently advised success stories, I’m starting to feel all giddy (possibly sugar related) with excitement at the prospect of being one step (more like 239 if you count all those bastard multiple choice questions I answered) closer to meeting my Prince Charming. Or, as I like to refer to him, Gavin.

That said, and giddiness aside, one must continue to be an active participant in this hell bent love quest if she wishes to capture Gav’s heart before they are both pace maker reliant… It’s time to get back “on the line”!

Now, I’m not all too sure whether it was my eagerness to get the party started or not, but my I attempt’s (there were 5) at the login process didn’t go all to plan…. Damn it! I’ve forgotten my password already! It’s only been a few days – typical though, I knew I should have just gone with my initial choice of trunk0junk but, oh no, I had to be all classy and mature that day didn’t I? Oh well, lesson learnt.


Right, let’s do this…..

 YOUR PROFILE NEEDS A LITTLE WORK… Looks like you missed something, how about adding a little more detail to your profile so we can find your perfect match sooner… 

Seriously? MORE work?…

When can I just set this love boat of a profile off sailing in the ocean of flirtatious winks and cheesy pick up lines? I mean honestly, I’m already oiled up ready to linger with an aire of mystery by the pool. And yes, alright, I could have packed a sarong or maybe a nice kaftan to keep “the pudding’s of Christmas past” to myself… But honestly, what on earth could be that bad that I’m still not allowed to mingle with the other passengers?

On closer inspection though, it would appear that these “love guru’s” had a valid point. Yes, I was all coco-buttered up, pina-colada in hand, but had all too conveniently missed the most crucial point of it all. The very point of this whole process. The very reason I stepped out of my comfort zone and squeezed into a hot pink two piece swim suit (so-to-speak); and I’m not a naturally tanned person mind you. Without those final few elements – my life rafts – my maiden voyage was going to be anything but grand. Basically, the way it stood, I was rooming with Leo on the Titanic.


Who the hell is Gavin?

Who the hell is Gavin?

I guess I have some serious thinking to do….

Liss Actually x

The False Portrayal of Motherhood.

Motherhood….It’s the most challenging, yet rewarding, role any woman could ever be bestowed;  and it’s also most certainly the one that not one of us could ever truly be 100% prepared for – no matter how much time, money, resources or education one has behind them.

From the very moment we are blessed with the arrival of a tiny human to nurture and love the journey begins. The possible destinations are in our hands, but road maps and navigational equipment are not included accessories. All that is certain is that we’re bound to encounter unexpected twists, sharp turns and speed bumps that seem like mountains. There’ll be days when it seems impossible to navigate around a “no through road” or cross over a “raging river” – but the unbelievable view, and memories etched, will always prevail and coax us forward.

What’s so unfortunate though is that the true reality of being a Mother is portrayed so falsely in the glossy magazines and on social media with “cropped & shopped” celebrities so conveniently making it look all too easy (and glamorous to boot); but worst of all, our peers – our fellow Mothers – are our harshest source of intimidation and sadly, that’s who we size ourselves up to the most. But that picture of “perfection” that we all try so terribly hard to paint isn’t fooling anyone.

We are all human – of course modesty, privacy and a lot of pride keeps us from discussing the not so glorious components of motherhood – but if we continue to pretend that each day is wonderful and that our children are perfect in every way, then we’re only going to set ourselves, our families and our children up for a horribly unhappy journey. The truth is it is hard – for all of us, and although we may be all shoved in the same pigeon hole, no two of us are the same. Criticising, comparing or competing will never change this.

A single Mother is no more of a hero, than a married one. A working Mother shouldn’t expect any hierarchy over a stay-at-home Mum.  We all have our challenges, weaknesses and strengths, and we need to remember that not one of us could ever truly understand or appreciate another’s circumstances because we are all contending with unique family dynamics, budgets, health status’ and most importantly children.

We (Mothers) really need to re-evaluate how we convey our own lives, and start speaking a little more honestly about our challenges instead of trying to pretend that everything is perky and perfect – because let’s face it, we all know it’s not – because so many of us are falling prey to the unrealistic standards we (and society) are setting ourselves, laying the foundation for an array of depressive disorders and low self esteem.

Truth is….

Breastfeeding is messy, painful and sometimes unachievable. Toddlers are difficult, sticky and often a danger to themselves. Tweens think they know it all and teenagers are intimidating mood swings on legs who make you want to hide in a confined space and pray for peace, love and happiness. They all have their days when you consider reading the fine print, looking for the returns policy – not one is cast from the same mould.

Housework is a never ending battle, not everyone can afford a cleaner. Unidentifiable objects will lurk under couches, beds and the back seat of the car. The battle of the washing basket will never be won; piles of folding will grow and ironing will wait for weeks. Cooking becomes a chore and nutritional value sometimes gets overlooked. Baking is not for everyone – store bought will do.

Forgetting is normal; not being at every single school assembly is ok. Avoiding the tuckshop crew isn’t always rude, it’s self preservation. Parent Teacher meetings aren’t always positive, and school gate interactions can be filled with fabricated boasting about “wonder children” who you rightly know are royal snots. Working overtime doesn’t mean you’re not around enough.

Some days will be harder than others and getting out of bed will be a challenge in itself. You’ll worry that your punishments were too harsh, or not harsh enough. Was your advice correct? Did you truly make a difference? Questions will swirl, and your confidence will be tested by that unrelenting doubt.  Should of, would of, could of…

All that said, what we really need to remember is that it’s all ok. All of it. The mess, the headaches, the successes, the failures, the awkward situations; they are what make our journey’s unique and at the end of the day, what matters most is that our children are safe, happy and loved. So do just that, and know that that is enough.

Liss Actually x