Amatuer Internet Dater – Part 4.

As most of you will know, I’m in the throes of finalising my very first internet dating profile, in the grand hope of stumbling upon my true love (Gavin).

It’s been a rather long winded and eye-opening experience thus far. I’ve paid the budget allowed $3.95 3 Month Subscription; was honest with my age and patootie size; I even attempted to complete the ghastly, over-the-top questionnaire of 500 ridiculously unimportant multi choices about burger, bed and (probably, but I didn’t get that far) banana preferences! However, after all that hard work, it would appear that I’m still not quite ready to be acquainted with any potential Gav’s.

You see, the lovely providers of my chosen “matching service”, have ever so politely advised that I have missed a highly vital component of my profile…


Crazily, and I’m sure I’m not alone, I’ve been so caught up in the “idea” of Gavin that I’ve failed to really truly think about who I would want him to be. What would make me fall head over heels in love, and inevitably choose to continue love him for the rest of my life…?

Obviously a heartbeat and physical presence is a very grand start – I mean sure, what girl doesn’t want Channing Tatum’s body draping itself across her bed whilst discussing handsomely, in a “Capt. Jack Sparrow” accent, whether or not we should attend Beyonce and Jay’s housewarming on the weekend – but if I’m really truly serious in my quest for love, which I honestly am, then the “idea” just isn’t going to cut it anymore.

I needed to sit down and collect my thoughts, and be absolutely wholeheartedly honest about who I was searching for…

Luckily, the less than glamorous, “dress rehearsals” have certainly left me with inexplicable clarity as to who I don’t want him to be (narcissistic bogan), and my own personal journey since has left me with a greater appreciation for my unique self, financial stability, domestic abilities (thongs and hairspray are a woman’s greatest weapon in the war against an eight-legged beast) and overall confidence in my ability to survive life in the single lane.

But what I failed to think about was how would he make me feel? How would his words affect my soul? Would I, yet weak at the knees, find a greater sense of strength in his presence? Would I so easily be able let my guard down? Would I be able to give my whole true self to him, without fear, anxiety or withdrawal? So very many questions swirled around and it became quite overwhelming, but I had to figure it out if I was wanting to get any closer to finding him, even if it were only one small step forward. And so, I sat down, and asked myself…

Who the hell is Gavin?

1. He’s honest. Sure he has is secrets pertaining to how many packets of Salt & Vinnie’s he smashed on the drive home from work, and certainly when it comes to the “bro code” he keeps Davo’s late night “antics” to himself – but when his feelings, actions and thoughts are under question – he’s honest.

2. He’s respectful, compassionate and sympathetic – not only towards others, but also himself. He’ll listen to what other’s have to say and instead of responding with turd-faced arrogence he’ll make a genuine effort to understand their point of view.

He wont be afraid of age, race, religious or political differences, and certainly wouldn’t dimiss anyone until he knew them personally.

3. He has a Sense of Fun & Incredible Humour. He’ll laugh at himself and find humour in his own misfortunes, be it losing a bet or accidentally denting the bosses new ute. He understands what truly matters in life and how to take certain situations with a grain of salt.

He’ll concur with me that laughter is the best medicine, and will appreciate my terrible jokes, wobbly-bummed nudie runs and find the snorts that come when I laugh too hard incredibly adorable 🙂

4) He’s Physically & Mentally Strong – however, big muscles in saggy singlets need not apply (sorry, but exposed hairy armpits are just not my thing). He’s capable of mowing the lawn, changing a tire and driving a manual car. His hands are happily dirty and by far his greatest tool. He’s determined to solve a problem – plotting, planning and observing all angles until he finds a way.

5) Above all he’s supportive, loving and kind. He’ll encourage me to grow, succeed and try; and when I am at my lowest point in life or just having a bad day, I will know that I can look into his eyes and find strength & hope, and know that I’m not alone.

Gavin will appreciate my flaws, failures and faults; my crazy mind, my ridiculous ideas, my car park rage, my off key harmony. My days when I am moody, bloated and erratic, and those when I am sensitive, dreamy and hopeful… And that is what he will love…Me, all of me – just as I am.  And in return, I will love him for that very same reason.

Does he exist? …Who knows… But, I’m maintaining much faith that he does!

Liss Actually x

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